I had read somewhere that people change so that you could like them lesser and so that you could disentangle yourself and move away from them. This came to me as a hard hitting truth. So many times in so many relationships I have wondered why things are not going the way I would like them to, most likely because I probably wrap up my new found friend or love in a golden robe and aura and forget to watch out for the clay feet. And we all have clay feet – there always is a chink in the armor, there always will be that hidden little something we may not approve of. When it is little and it is hidden, or at least camouflaged, I find it easier to handle. But when it becomes bigger and more prevalent, then I start seeing it as a change I do not like. And then the distance starts developing, the pain of the friend or partner not understanding me or clearly behaving in a way that they know hurts me starts to erode the thread of trust and bonding in the relationship.
So, obviously, the person in front of me isn’t changing, but the pattern of his/her behavior is certainly making me change the way I look at that person. And it certainly is painful. I swear never to go down that route again, never to trust again, never to believe again. But I am no nay-sayer, so inevitably after bouncing back I trust again, and again, and again…
Each time, every single time, I promise to remember the hurt. But that would suffocate me, let alone have a happy existence. Who would want that, certainly not me. Life is too short to be unhappy, they say. Surround yourself with happy people, they say. Oh they say a lot, but how much of that can we really live by, is the question.
Where to start, where to end, how to not repeat the mistakes – it’s all so complicated, yet so simple to understand. Live in the present? Have no expectations? Ah, would that mean not to care to live up to someone else’s expectations? Yes, why not? To all those people who tell me not to expect anything, because that will lead to ultimate happiness – I would like to ask this – would you be OK if someone you consider very close to you just does not live up to your expectation, does not care to fulfill your expectation, does not simply understand your expectation? Would you say then it’s ok for you to not expect, because not expecting anything will lead to your happiness? Very unreasonable of me to ask this question is what you will think – oh, it’s not in this context you will say, oh but it’s not that simple you will say, or you will simply say you do not understand relationships or how beautiful they can be when people are in tune with each other and things like expectations do not matter.
Hmm, don’t they? Seriously?
Change is constant. The only thing permanent is change. It all takes a lot of hard work to make it work. We just need to weigh if all that hard work is worth the effort. If you don’t think it is, don’t even try. Life is too big, too vast, and too beautiful to throw it away on a few good moments followed by minutes, days and months of grief and frustration. But if you think it’s all too precious then there is no limit to how much you can trust and believe again. And again. And again. Like me. Smile :)
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