The comfort of the known, the thrill of the yet unknown

To be or not to be, that is the question.

But here is an interesting situation I have observed so many times. This is about being smitten with a man committed in a relationship already. Oh, everything inside her tells her it’s wrong, everything outside dittos it. Other than some wise and sensible friend who says “enjoy the feeling while it lasts” the others immediately go perch on a moral high ground and talk her down with a “tch tch, you will always be the “other woman””.

Hmm. Other woman. I know a solution to this problem too. Get to know the better-half of the object of your affection. Get to know his clan, see him with them, and in a heartbeat you will wonder why you even went down that route! This is the simplest solution, and it needs to be implemented as a “quick win” since it’s the easiest thing to do and needs to be done before other complications set in.

And the object of her affection has probably been informed about this solution. But does he really want this to end right away? Who wouldn’t like to be loved and adored, to be admired and pampered? That’s exactly it. We all want it – all the time. If we have it once through our life partners or better halves, we don’t ever say that I have had enough for a lifetime, and now am satisfied. It’s an insatiable want to be wanted. The idea of falling in love, that heady feeling of attraction, those long hours spent in learning about each other and beginning to like all that you hear and experience – any human, average or otherwise, would crave for it. We learn to control these feelings for obvious reasons, but somewhere deep inside we want to feel love all over again. Have you seen couples who have been together for a long time beginning to treat each other like siblings? They will hug and be cozy, but the face will not sparkle. We cannot expect it to sparkle anyway. After years together a feeling of comfort sets in, maybe a sense of boredom too – sometimes even if it’s a devil of a partner you have, it’s at least a known devil and hence comfortable to be with! Wriggling out of this comfort zone is not a welcome thought, and most of the time this very comfort and a strong commitment towards children keeps the bond alive.

Until someone like her walks into his life. The other woman. In caring, showing affection and admiration openly towards this stagnated and comfortable man she opens up all those feelings kept tightly under control. I am not saying it’s easy to do that – some men are genuinely interested in keeping their families and lives intact. But, and this is the catch, they don’t mind a little taste of this delicious feeling all over again. I have seen that after a while, when the sheen of romance is worn out, when the expectations start making it look like any other long-term relationship, these very men think they made a mistake and run back to their cozy committed life, they are suddenly afraid of losing all they have. And what happens to this other woman? She can either feel guilty or keep “Sex and the City” as her model code of conduct guide, and move on to the next attached or unattached relationship – whatever makes her happy! HA!